All I Ever Wanted
by Vahkhiin
Summary: I think even if she knows, she wouldn’t mind, because when she catches me watching her, she always sends me a small smile and a wave of her hand.


There isn't a lot I really want from life to be honest, but I suppose the things that I do want add up to a much bigger picture.

I mean there are the normal things people wants, like shelter to live under, food to eat and survive and a car or bike or some sort of transport. But to me, what I want is quite simple really; it isn't the fancy house or the exquisite food. It's something I've never had before, something I've never experience something I never fully understood until recently.

Apart from that, I had once found running away very pleasing on my soul; more so because I didn't want to deal with things but rather run away from them. In my whole life I've done nothing but save people time and time again and that's a good thing, but on another respects when Aerith died, I felt like I had let down everything. My family, friends, even the ones I love. And I think that because of that it kind of ruined me in a sort of way.

It wasn't to say that I had liked or even loved her in any sort of way but more so that I had let her down when I specifically promised her I would protect her.

And I know that it wasn't just Aerith that I let down, in fact I've let a whole lot of people down in my life and I don't think that they could really, completely, forgive me for what I've done. Though, if I try hard enough, I think I can, you know. But, I think based on what I've done, the things I've done and the sins I've gathered, I think I've been forgiven either way.

It wasn't a forgiveness that was said, or forgiveness by a simple gesture. It was a forgiveness given to me by the one person I never thought I had sought forgiveness from.

The person who kind of blended in my life and never really actually said anything to me but some how miraculously that person was always there beside me. The person I never really saw until I actually opened my eyes. And I think in some respects I regret that I've wasted a whole lot of time thinking about this very thing when all along it was right in front of me.

But somewhere in between thinking about it all a woman interrupts my thoughts when I watch her; she always does that, you know, interrupting my thoughts and not knowing what she actually does to me inside. But I think even if she knows, she wouldn't mind, because when she catches me watching her, she always sends me a small smile and a wave of her hand.

The thing that really catches my eye and makes my heart stops is when she looks at me with her dark brown eyes. The eyes that know more than I do and see the real me for who I really am and not that twisted 'thing' that once had a part of Jenova. The eyes that look deep into my soul and whispers in my heart, 'words aren't the only way to tell a person how you feel'.

And I must admit, she's right about that and has been right about that since the day she said it.

She's serving dishes to a group of laughing women, and based on her expression, she's happy for once. She deserves at least that.

A dull thump snatches my eyes from her and down to the little boy with a dash of dusty brownish blonde hair and little hands that are now resting on my knee.

'Daddy,' he calls me in that small childish tone, the same tone that I've come to realize, sounds a lot like me when I was a kid.

And right there as I stare into his little blue eyes I see _her _staring back at me and in a way I see myself as well. Though as I stare I realize the pain I have caused her and sometimes I don't know why she stayed beside me all this time. I don't deserve _her. _Not after everything I had done.

My eyes search the bar again as I look for whether she had returned behind the bar counter, but instead she's standing right there in front of me. And as I stare at her and implore her every inch of beauty I wonder if she's really happy. My lips part slightly but I drop my gaze to her lips and at each corner it twitches into a small smile and I realize that she is happy.

'Mummy,' the little boy greets and removes his tiny hand on my knee and onto hers.

And just like that, I know that even though I had spent my entire life looking for something, all along, all I ever wanted was her forgiveness. But even though we've been through a lot, I think that everything was worth it, because it helped me realize that what I really wanted wasn't all that much.

All I wanted was _her, _Tifa Lockheart.

_end._


End file.
